‘Comfortable in the Uncomfortable’ Does Not Mean “Chill and Just Wait”

One of the many phrases that we use to help leaders be their best is to become “comfortable with being uncomfortable.” In fact, it’s emblazoned on a wall in my EOS® session room as a reminder. I affectionately call the space I designed and built for my clients “Amy’s EOS Flight Deck” because I’m doing all I can to create ‘lift’ for my clients. Do I try to be …the wind beneath their wings? Well, yes! Do I help leaders by allowing them to ignore the things they don’t like to do? In a word, no!

So, what, then, do I mean when I ask them to get comfortable in the uncomfortable? In two sentences, I ask them:

• To share their expectations clearly and often, and to listen and work hard to understand the expectations of their team members.
• To timely engage and communicate — openly and honestly.

Leaders are often most bogged down by difficult conversations and tough decisions. The very thought of telling someone that they aren’t meeting expectations can cause great pause. (Pilots will recognize this as “stall” – a dangerous situation from which a pilot needs to recover quickly.) From the outside, sometimes that pause looks like incredible patience with the situation. If that were the case, I’d be in awe of the patience they have. However, also from the outside, as an EOS Implementer, I can tell you it’s something that calls me into action to ask questions before they stall their team or their organization as a whole.

The comfort I help leaders seek comes from the recognition that only by entering the uncomfortable conversations can we have our best conversations and garner the best understanding. Do you think your team members show up to their job to be their worst? Do you? So, why then would they – or should you – choose actions that increase the dis-comfort? While time may heal all wounds (but does it, really?), it certainly doesn’t improve understanding, considering that leaders often shut down their communication at the very point where more is needed.

As a leader, what actions should you take when you’re uncomfortable with results/lack thereof?

1. Discern the root of your discomfort. With whom do you have the issue?
2. Act on that information. Make time within 24 hours for a one-on-one with the person who isn’t meeting expectations. Ask them what they thought “done should look like” and be open to listening to and learning from their perspective.
3. Be the leader. Be willing to be vulnerable. It has been magical – and moving – how quickly the conversation changes when I’ve said “I failed you. That wasn’t what I intended at all. Wow. Let’s solve this together.”
4. Let them solve it. Share your expectations, ask them to echo it back to you, and truly communicate until you are both on the same page. Let them fix it, helping them if needed; don’t swoop in to save the day and humiliate the person.
5. Ask them to follow up with you. You’ve been waiting for that moment when you can praise that person who keeps making you uncomfortable, haven’t you? Start a new trend.

Try it. Use your own words (always!) and see what happens when you’re willing to get comfortable.