We all want to work in a “nice” culture. One where people are kind, supportive, and collaborative. But what happens when that niceness becomes a roadblock?
I worked with a company that had built a culture of being nice—so nice that leaders struggled to make decisions or have honest, tough conversations. They wanted everyone to be involved in everything, every time. But with so many voices, no one was really leading. Simultaneously, there were people and performance issues that were not being dealt with, because addressing conflict and giving constructive feedback was considered “not nice.”
The lesson? Niceness can become a trap if it prevents you from stepping into true leadership. If you are caught in this trap, here are three truths that will help you and your company get back on track:
- Structure Sets You Free
When facing strategic decisions, leaders often default to consensus or “looping everyone in.” It feels fair … and nice. But without a clear decision-making framework and accountability structure, business stalls and the best route forward may be missed entirely. Establishing a defined leadership team and decision rights isn’t harsh—it’s healthy. People work best and with the highest morale when they know who is responsible for what.
- Kind Isn’t Always Comfortable
We tend to conflate being kind with avoiding discomfort. But sometimes the kindest thing you can do is tell someone the truth—especially if they’re underperforming or are allowing a conflict to fester. Yes, it may hurt in the moment. But silence or avoidance breeds bigger problems down the line.
- You’re the Leader, Not the Buddy
There’s a difference between being friendly and being friends. When you blur those lines, it’s tempting to overlook issues because you don’t want to upset someone. But leadership demands clarity, not camaraderie at the expense of accountability.
Action Step: Audit Your Leadership Culture
- Are you avoiding necessary conversations to keep the peace?
- Do too many people weigh in on decisions that should be made by a few?
- Are you sacrificing clarity for consensus?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, it’s time to put structure in place. Systems don’t make you cold: they give your kindness boundaries and your leadership teeth. The truth is, you don’t need to stop being nice. You just need to stop letting niceness be the deciding factor in your decisions.
