Friend Zone at Work: Can You Be a Buddy AND a Boss?

Just when you thought that you entered the relationship of your dreams, you get thrust into the “Friend Zone.” Ask anyone you know who has experienced the Friend Zone and you’ll learn real quick that it’s one of the most frustrating places to be.

But I’m not talking about romance. There’s also a professional Friend Zone. So often we want to be in the “Boss Zone” but somehow we get pulled into the Friend Zone, instead.

The Boss Zone and the Friend Zone

The Boss Zone is a relationship of boss-to-direct reports. In the Boss Zone, you are respected, in charge, and have the opportunity to lead your team to greater success. Your direct reports understand what is expected of them and rise to the challenge.

If you’re in the Friend Zone at work, you’re the boss—and a friend—to an employee. You’re perceived as a coworker, a colleague, and have limited opportunity to hold individuals accountable.

These are the wrong kind of relationships with employees, because they adversely affect our ability to be great leaders or managers. Frustration takes hold as it becomes hard to get traction with your direct reports, it’s more difficult to have tough conversations, and it changes the whole dynamic of the workplace.

Are You in a Friend Zone?

There are various ways the Friend Zone plays out. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? If so, then you’re in the Friend Zone with your subordinates.

Friend to the End

One of my clients was a company that had several friends who started a services business. They had helped the company get to a fair amount of revenue by being task-oriented, each performing labor-intensive work. But the company had reached a ceiling where the structure had to be organized in a fashion where they could scale.

But they were all friends, deep in the Friend Zone. They all knew who would be best to lead sales, marketing, and finance—and who should be the head of the entire company. But this was no easy task given that they were all friends, and now one of them was going to be in charge of the whole team.

Boss to Friend

Another company had an operations manager who was loved by his staff. He loved to engage them in social activities and make sure the team was cohesive and happy with each other. But this ops manager went from Boss Zone to Friend Zone. His ability to get results began taking a dip and showing on the company’s bottom line. It was now hard for him to engage in healthy conflict and hold people accountable to get results.

Get Out of the Friend Zone at Work

When you recognize that you need to improve your position, it’s a call for change. Here’s your path to get out of the Friend Zone.

1) Visualize the Boss – Be the Boss

The first hurdle will be changing your mindset: recognizing that you have people accountable to you. If you know what it should look like to be in charge of others, it’s time to visualize yourself in charge. Set aside your ego and political correctness—you have to be the boss to achieve great results with a team.

2) Make the Transition

Next, you have to change your regular behaviors from friend to boss. The change doesn’t have to be abrupt, and you don’t have to stop all friendly behaviors. But it does mean changing the amount of friend vs. boss exchanges at work.

Think of it as a ratio. If you were 4:1 Friend-to-Boss, move to 1:2 Friend-to-Boss. Start with regular conversations. You will need fewer Friend Zone exchanges and more Boss Zone exchanges.

Several Examples:

Friend Zone: Did you see the game last night? Williams really destroyed that team.

Boss Zone: How is the progress of the Andrews project?

Friend Zone: Can’t believe Amy did that at work! What’s her problem?

Boss Zone: Can you send Amy in to talk to me when you see her?

Friend Zone: What are you up to this weekend?

Boss Zone: Share with me your Scorecard from last week, so we can see where we can improve.

Friend Zone: Want to scoot out early for beers?

Boss Zone: Let’s make sure we stay focused right up until 5PM.

As you begin to change your ratio from friend to boss, you will slowly begin setting new professional boundaries that will help you engage in more productive conversations.

A sure-fire way to move from Friend Zone to Boss Zone is to use The Entrepreneurial Operating System® (EOS®). EOS is a powerful tool that creates accountability in your organization. The system will help create organic accountability. You don’t have to have a thumbs-down mentality, because results (or lack of results) reveal themselves as you create a clear way of running your business.

Are you the boss? Be the boss.